MOVIE REVIEW: “Eastern Promises”
“Eastern Promises” (2007)
Directed by: David Cronenberg
Written by: Steven Knight
Starring: Viggo Mortensen, Naomi Watts
** stars (out of ****)
“Eastern Promises” should have been named “Eastern Compromises.” I found this film blando. Unfortunately for “Eastern Promises in Search of Itself” there are dozens of American “Italian” gangster films that are far superior to this effort—how about “The Godfather” for one?
Thank God Viggo Mortensen got through this acting effort without embarrassing himself. He was actually quite good, better than his performances in “Hidalgo” and “A History of Violence” (I want him to whisper in my ear when he is sweating and naked with an erection). But Oscar material? Wow! That’s a leap of faith. Naomi Watts is also good, but who is the idiot that put the words in her mouth? Does it always have to rain on the lead actors and mess up their hair and get their clothes wet? Geez!
So, let’s pretend this is some kind of good script. If we can suspend our belief for the first 91 minutes, then how do we end this? Put Tony Romo on the field and have him hold the ball for his field goal kicker and presto! He fumbles around, his kicker can’t kick, Dallas loses in the last second to Seattle and “Tuna” Parcells retires from pro football. That’s about exactly what should happen to Steven Knight, the screenplay writer. Quit writing. The ending of this okay gangster film is “pathetic” in huge neon lights. Some of us in the audience were able to rocket vomit more than 50 feet, all the way to the screen.
